A Love Letter to Yourself: Embracing Self-Love & Confidence
"How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you"
We show love to our friends, family, partners, pets, even celebrities. Ironically, we often neglect to care for the one person we spend the most time with: ourselves. Sure, we feed ourselves, brush our own hair, make sure we’re warm enough. But sometimes meeting basic needs feels more like checking boxes than actually taking care. And who deserves that from you more than you? This may be what makes self love feel so abstract or obscure or even decadent; you’re already meeting your basic needs, what more is there to do?
Like most things, self love takes dedicated practice and cultivation. In fact the Oxford Dictionary defines love as “an intense feeling of deep affection,” or “a great interest or pleasure in something.” And when we feel interest or pleasure in something, we usually meet it with intention, effort, and action. A lot of people struggle with self love for several reasons. Maybe it’s the mundanity of spending every second of every day with yourself, maybe you can’t stand some of your bad habits, maybe you feel you don’t deserve to love yourself (which is so not true!).
To make it easier to visualize, think of loving yourself as taking care of your child; you’re caring for someone you’re completely responsible for and who is entirely dependent on you. You want to make sure their basic needs are met, of course, but you also want to make sure that their experience of life is pleasurable and that they’re equipped to show up and succeed in the world.
A simple starting point for self love is to refer to the five Love Languages. These are categories invented by marriage counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman of different ways that people like to give and receive love. These are also actions that help people feel safe and secure in their relationships. Luckily, they’re all things you can do -- and probably already do in some capacity -- for yourself. All that’s needed is some reframing from a place of love.
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation as a Love Language involves verbally articulating your affection. To a loved one this can include compliments , verbal reassurance , or even just saying, “I love you.” And you can say these kinds of things to yourself! Things like positive affirmations , journaling , and positive self-talk are all ways of using words to express love and appreciation inward just as you would outwardly. Even singing along to songs that make you feel empowered can be a strategy for words of affirmation, because your brain is still hearing your voice say them. Words have power, it’s time to put them to use!
Quality Time
Quality time as an act of self love may seem confusing because you spend all your time with yourself whether you want to or not. The keyword here is quality. Spending quality time with yourself means taking time to do things that you enjoy and that fill your cup (like Self Care Sunday). It’s about being intentional with your time and using it to enrich yourself. This can be taking yourself on solo dates , meditating , or doing a hobby that you love. Quality time for yourself can also look like valuing your time and being more protective of it; no more overscheduling or overbooking ! If you’re too busy for any of these suggestions, you may need to be a little bit more opportunistic. Stuck in traffic for 45 minutes? Listen to that podcast episode you had saved or get really into singing along to your favourite album .
Physical Touch
Showing yourself love through physical touch is about showing appreciation and reverence for what your body does for you every day. After all, your vessel is what carries you around and keeps you safe in the world. It deserves its flowers. Ways to do this include pampering it, for example with a luxurious epsom salt bath , moisturizing with your favourite body oil , or giving yourself a foot massage . This expression of love can also look like strengthening or conditioning your body through exercise , stretching , and other forms of intentional movement . There are even some forms of therapy, including somatic therapy , that rely on your physical body to regulate your emotions. Somatic therapy focuses on the connection between your body and mind, and includes physical elements like tapping (shoulders, arms, hands, etc.) to ground yourself in your body and help manage psychological stress.
Gift Giving
Gift giving as a Love Language is perhaps the one with the most negative perception; it’s viewed as irresponsible, superficial, or privileged. We’re here to clear that up because gift giving, like any form of self love, doesn’t have to be extravagant or luxurious. If there’s anything to be learned from Little Treat Culture, it’s that there are small pleasures we can give ourselves that bring us joy. Giving yourself gifts can look like buying your favourite pastry a few times a week, or buying yourself a birthday or Christmas gift , just as you would anyone else that you love. Gift giving can also mean investing in yourself, either through education or skill building. Going back to school , taking a class , or earning a new certification are all ways of showing up for yourself and showing that you believe in your capacity to grow and learn. It’s not all diamonds and handbags -- although there should be a little bit of that every once in a while ;)
Acts of Service
The final Love Language to help you work on loving yourself circles back to the concept of treating yourself like a child: acts of service. This is likely the strategy that would require more of a mental reframing than any significant changes in your daily habits. But all of the things that you do for yourself every day can be viewed as acts done for someone that you love . Instead of feeling exasperated at “having to cook dinner,” reframe it as cooking a healthy meal for someone you love. On the flip side, look at it as getting to devour a meal that you enjoy made by some you love and who loves you. Another way to provide yourself with an act of service is to create a daily routine and be disciplined with it . By doing this you’re making life easier and better for future you. You’ll be providing support for yourself, and you’ll definitely thank yourself for it!
Self love is essential because it helps with your confidence, self-worth and self compassion. These tools help with symptoms of stress and negative emotions, and in turn contribute significantly to life satisfaction. These emotional and mental benefits can also manifest as healthy behaviours like regular exercise and a healthy diet, which contribute to positive physical outcomes. And of course, when you love yourself on the inside it shows on the outside! Finally, it’s important to show yourself love because, more simply than all of these benefits, you deserve to be surrounded by people who love you. Including you.
See you next Sunday xx
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